Reflecting on 2016

Hey there, friends. As 2016 comes near to closing, I've felt the need to reflect on and write about all the amazing things we've gotten to experience this year. I honestly cannot believe how fast this year has gone by. Sure, everyone says that, right? No, but seriously. It's like... when you have a child, you basically age 12 times faster than normal. It must be a thing. Must be.

This year has brought SO much change to my life, it's incredible to think about. I finished out my previous job in mid January, just 11 days before little baby boy was born. January 29, 2016... what a day. Matt had left early in the morning to go to class, and the whole night before I had been having slight contractions. But what the hell did I know? I'd never been pregnant before! Soon enough, we'd be rocking and rolling to the hospital.

My contractions were pretty strong by about 9 AM, and Matt, ironically enough, got out of class early and rushed home. I brought myself to shower and look presentable, ha. That's funny. Mom FLEW over to the house in a flurry and out the door we went.

We got to the hospital about 10:30 and YES this was happening!! Got my epidural midday, and of course, my dosage wasn't high enough so the pain was extraordinary. But who even cares, at this point? By 9:27 PM, after almost 12 hours of labor and less than two hours pushing, Jackson Matthew came into the world and was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen. Just like that, I became a mother. It was a Friday, and by Sunday evening, we were on our way back home.

Motherhood brought all kinds of new challenges... learning how to take care of a sweet, tiny human, how to still manage being happily married, how to breastfeed, how to not breastfeed, figuring out a sleep schedule, the list goes on. We learned, with time. And it was absolutely the most precious time of my entire life. My maternity leave was a dream... hanging out with my sweet babe all day long and learning each other. Baby boy has grown so much this year and it has been incredible watching him become his own little person. He does new things every day and is constantly surprising me. Being his mama is one of my greatest joys. I love him more than I could ever put into words.

By May, I started a new job and met some new people. And later in the summer, Matt FINALLY got off of the dreaded night shift and started his new job... which has been an absolute blessing. Even with all of the political bull crap that came about this year, 2016 was still one of the best years of my life.

And, as if we deserve it, we found out in November that we're expecting our second little bundle of joy and love in July! I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous or scared, but I'm beyond excited and way too happy to be blessed in this way. I never thought I'd become pregnant without really trying. This next little one is certainly the next little miracle.

Happy New Year, friends! And I hope you remember all the greatness 2016 brought you. I know I always will.

Love,
S

Courage

Hey there, blog friends. Tomorrow marks the first day of the autumn season here in the midwest, and like every other basic white girl in town, I'm really stoked. FALL! PUMPKINS! BOOTS! HOORAH!

Life has been so... inspiring, lately, and eye opening. And things have been horrible in the world but there have been good things, too. While global violence seems to be at an all-time high, political nonsense here at home seems to have reached an all-time low, and folks like me, "millennials," seem to want as much involvement as we do disengagement. And I think I fit there, too... I care and I don't care. I'm ready and I'm not. Someone make it go away so I can be outraged. A woman is one of the closest candidates to become President, though, so that's really cool.

Things I'm into lately:  music, so much music, and art. And writing. And nature. And experiences. Oh, and reading. Yes, reading. I recently finished this book, Emma Cline's The Girls, and it has me feeling like a hippy... but not the kind that wants to join a cult or anything. Just the kind yearning for freedom and solidarity and happiness... and peace.

I really got to thinking about people... people I know and have known, and how as we grow up, we all spread and drift and branch off into different directions, like the branches of a large tree. And there are people I have known and am so proud of for doing exactly what their hearts tell them to do, ah. It's so refreshing. And then there are those, like me, that know what their heart wants but doesn't really listen because other things matter a little more, like bills, loans, and responsibilities. I wish I had the courage and support to do what I love, to be who I want to be. Oh, having a life can cost you, more than your money, but your passion, too.

And what is my passion? Do I really know? I'm definitely not one of those people who just know what they want in life, know what they want their careers to be like. No, I'm more of a wanderer. I do know that sitting in front of a computer all day long working magic on the internet isn't really my life's passion, but it pays the damn bills so I guess I have to keep chugging along. Because all the cool and interesting stuff is fulfilling but doesn't pay shit.

Wife and mom. Man, I tell you what... nothing makes me happier. And that sounds crazy to a lot of feminists and other women out there. But I'm a feminist. But I'm a woman! And I love being a wife and mother. Not the 1950s housewife kind of wife and mother, but the new age mother (I'm a cool mom). I love the experiences I have with my family. The giggles and inside jokes and TV binges I have with my husband. The smiles and snuggles I share with my baby boy. That's what it's all about for me. That's what life is about.

The moral? Listen. Write. Paint. Draw. Hike. Walk. Read. Do. Experience. Experience it all and love it. Life is way too damn short.

Always,
S

Offline Thoughts

I've been reflecting quite a bit lately, about the normal things one would reflect upon - life, relationships, work, issues, situations. I'm not the first one to come out and say that the world is becoming a stranger place than before. Changes occur every day. People change every day. Things will always ebb and flow as long as we exist.

Every night, I rock my baby boy to sleep, and during those moments, I seem to forget about everything that normally consumes my attention - political issues, world tragedies, my phone (for crying out loud), social media, work, other worries. It's in those moments that I actually feel like I'm soaking in life, taking my time, and not searching for the next best thing that will distract me or entertain me. In those moments, all I need to do is look at my sleeping boy, and my whole world is completely at peace.

It's strange to think that before my son was born, peace was a feeling I seldom experienced. Of course, I had those moments with my husband, and I still do. But knowing that Jackson is going to grow so incredibly fast, to one day not need me as he does now, I find myself trying harder to put the damn phone down and just be at peace with my little babe during these fleeting moments.

Sometimes, I just look at my phone and I want to throw it under a moving vehicle. WHY do these things have to be so convenient but so attention-grabbing? So incredible but so destructive? This phone has made my life easier yet has disconnected me from my surroundings. And social media doesn't make it better. These days, I find myself consciously trying NOT to pick up my phone and scroll through my social media feeds just so I can have a normal conversation with my husband who I haven't really spent time with in four days.

WHY?

I hate it. It's easy to go on Facebook and post about your "pledge" to give it up for a while, or post that you're "deleting" your account for an undetermined amount of time to just live life again. Good for the people that do that and stick with it. I find myself admiring you. But to those who say they're going to do that and then continue posting two days later, I kind of hate you.

I really don't know what my point is except that I'm tired of being consumed by social media and my phone. I'm tired of having to try to remember not to pick it up and scroll through CRAP for two minutes of instant entertainment. I'm tired of watching my husband and child watch me as I stare at this rectangular device instead of into their eyes. It's times like these that I wish we lived in the 1970s or something.

I just want to live life again, carefree of what people will "think" of me if I don't post some amazingly witty thought, or if I don't share 9,000 photos of my baby. My life is great, and I don't need to constantly show it off on social media.

I'm working on it.