Wednesday, August 3, 2016

Offline Thoughts

I've been reflecting quite a bit lately, about the normal things one would reflect upon - life, relationships, work, issues, situations. I'm not the first one to come out and say that the world is becoming a stranger place than before. Changes occur every day. People change every day. Things will always ebb and flow as long as we exist.

Every night, I rock my baby boy to sleep, and during those moments, I seem to forget about everything that normally consumes my attention - political issues, world tragedies, my phone (for crying out loud), social media, work, other worries. It's in those moments that I actually feel like I'm soaking in life, taking my time, and not searching for the next best thing that will distract me or entertain me. In those moments, all I need to do is look at my sleeping boy, and my whole world is completely at peace.

It's strange to think that before my son was born, peace was a feeling I seldom experienced. Of course, I had those moments with my husband, and I still do. But knowing that Jackson is going to grow so incredibly fast, to one day not need me as he does now, I find myself trying harder to put the damn phone down and just be at peace with my little babe during these fleeting moments.

Sometimes, I just look at my phone and I want to throw it under a moving vehicle. WHY do these things have to be so convenient but so attention-grabbing? So incredible but so destructive? This phone has made my life easier yet has disconnected me from my surroundings. And social media doesn't make it better. These days, I find myself consciously trying NOT to pick up my phone and scroll through my social media feeds just so I can have a normal conversation with my husband who I haven't really spent time with in four days.

WHY?

I hate it. It's easy to go on Facebook and post about your "pledge" to give it up for a while, or post that you're "deleting" your account for an undetermined amount of time to just live life again. Good for the people that do that and stick with it. I find myself admiring you. But to those who say they're going to do that and then continue posting two days later, I kind of hate you.

I really don't know what my point is except that I'm tired of being consumed by social media and my phone. I'm tired of having to try to remember not to pick it up and scroll through CRAP for two minutes of instant entertainment. I'm tired of watching my husband and child watch me as I stare at this rectangular device instead of into their eyes. It's times like these that I wish we lived in the 1970s or something.

I just want to live life again, carefree of what people will "think" of me if I don't post some amazingly witty thought, or if I don't share 9,000 photos of my baby. My life is great, and I don't need to constantly show it off on social media.

I'm working on it.

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