Well, well, well. Here we are in June 2016 already. How did we get here so quickly? I swear, as soon as our little babe was born, time has been travelling at lightning speed. It's so true what they say--it all just goes by so, so quickly, and I wish I could slow it all down.
Needless to say, our lives have been turned upside down, and it's so beautiful and chaotic and amazing and crazy all at the same time! SO many changes have come along this year already. Matt and I have been blessed to be able to experience parenthood at its finest, and I was lucky enough to enjoy a longer-than-normal maternity leave. On top of it all, I started a new job last month so things have just been wonderfully and horribly overwhelming, but I really wouldn't want it any other way.... maybe.
Let's talk about this babe. Jackson is everything. It's so hard to imagine life before him. Matt and I have always been old souls, and so we really love having the responsibility of taking care of little man. Sure, it gets frustrating and overwhelming and inconvenient at times, but being this boy's mama is one of the best things that has ever happened to me, regardless of the hard times. Watching him grow is the highlight of my life. I probably sound psychotic to anyone who does not have children, and that's okay. Having babies turns you into an emotional wreck of a woman, all day, every day. And that's what parenthood really is.... a constant emotional roller coaster of ups and downs and flips and turns and it is so wonderful. One minute, you're laughing your ass off at a funny face, and the next you're crying because how is he four months old already? It is so. bitter. sweet. The most bittersweet thing of all. And I love him with my entire heart. I would go through anything for this boy. He is all of the good things about his mommy and daddy put together. I can't explain how much my heart has grown for him. I could go on forever but I think I'll spare you all. Jackson is the love of our lives.
Mama and daddy are doing well. I'd be lying if I said parenthood doesn't test the hell out of your marriage, because it does. Trying to agree on how to do things and trying to be accepting of how differently we do them is the hard part. As wife and mama, I try so very hard not to control the way Matt daddies baby boy. I give him pointers, of course. :) But through it all, we've definitely come out stronger than ever before, every day. Parenthood requires more effort from each of us and we have to try a little harder to make time for our relationship, but we do, and we manage, and I'm so very thankful to have Matt as my partner through everything. I don't say it enough to him. I love this man and I love that we have the incredible opportunity to experience this life together.
As I mentioned, I started a new job last month working downtown and in the healthcare industry, and so far it has been going pretty well. I can't talk about it without mentioning how incredibly hard it was to leave my Jackson boy and go back to work full time. There is a lot to be said for moms that stay at home with their babies. I know it's a lot of work taking care of a babe all day, but seriously, guys... it's SO hard being a working mom. First of all, THE GUILT. The guilt kills you all day long. "This is selfish of me. I should be home with my baby. What is he doing? Does he miss me? Will he know me?" ....plus one billion other mental conversations with yourself. There is nothing more difficult than being a working mom. Some days, I feel I am suffocating. I rush home at 5:30 and try to spend as much time as I can with my little bug who quickly approaches fussy time by 8:00. But, in the mornings, he's all smiles and so happy to see me. It's torture trying to leave him. I live for the weekends and try my best to stay afloat without becoming depressed. Being a working mom is both a blessing and a curse.
Life is hard, but oh, so good. We are lucky beyond belief. Last night in bed, I was reading this man's blog about his wife's battle with cancer and their struggle to raise their two-year-old with Down Syndrome. His wife ultimately passed, but he really does a wonderful job describing her and keeping her memory alive. She seemed like a wonderful woman. And I kept thinking how minimal our problems are in comparison. Sobbing like a baby, I realized how lucky Matt and I are. We have everything we've ever wanted.... wonderful parents and families, great jobs, a roof over our heads, food in the kitchen, and now a beautiful baby boy I never thought I'd be able to have after two miscarriages, We have our health, our sanity, and so much love around us. What more do we need?
The rest of this year, I will try to embrace this wild ride of life, really try to soak in the moments that matter most, and try to remember always all the good we have.
If anyone is still out there, thanks for reading my novel of an update! I hope to wake this blog up with more updates in the future, so we'll see. :P
Love always,
S
